Rethinking food as punishment or reward

How many times have you found yourself using food as a reward and or punishment?  “I exercised an extra 30 minutes today and so I’m treating myself to some chocolate.”  Or “you got a D on that paper and so we’re not getting ice cream.”   

I’ve been thinking about this practice in the context of food allergies, and it may be time to revisit my approach.

The first thing I realized when my son was diagnosed with food allergies is just how prevalent and valued food is in our culture.  Following a restricted diet is upsetting enough for most people, especially children, who don’t yet understand that being denied a certain food is not because of anything they’ve done but simply a potentially life-saving measure.

I can only speak as a mom – not as a licensed psychologist or physician – but I found that using food in this manner not only failed as a deterrent, but it also further elevated food as a source of joy or disappointment.

Furthermore, I was sending mixed messages to my son – on the one hand that food allergy is a disease and not his fault and we should focus on what he can eat.  Then on the other hand withholding food as a reward is his fault. 

In our house we no longer use food as a reward or punishment but rather focus on finding things that our son enjoys and his nourishing.